Part 1: Life Of Uam Boy !(So Amaka is a…)

I re-read the text, suprise was written all over
my face. It was clear, Amaka is a witch.
What game was she talking about? Was there a
football match i was not aware of? Or did she
mean what i was thinking? Was she threatening
me? Please give me a break!!!! Even google server
go crash if i ask all those questions. Oboy wahala dey o, i explained the whole
events to my friends who just waved it off as an
attempt by a desperate chick to give me
sleepless nights. At that moment, i decided to
forget about contesting for mr.fresher, instead i
was going to trow my support behind philip. Afterall, if he wins, i still win. “Oboy no worry, if she try anything we go
treat her fucck up” musa assured me.
Na so you the talk, but when e come back fire,
you go run leave me.
“Forget that thing, i gat your back like spine”
musa reassured me, an assurance i never took serious. Anytime i want to start believing in
musa’s supernatural power of mischief, i
remember the slap of that mechanic boy. That
slap that changed my life. Abeg kelvin come help me beg this mosquitoes
na, them don the use me celebrate sallah o.
Philip was busy slapping himself.

The funniest thing is that, my mosquitoes know
me and they obey my voice.
The mosquitoes in my room didn’t have probosis, instead they had straw. The sraw
enables them to feed on their prey without
actually pearching on their body, so even though
you slap yourself, you only succeed In breaking
the straw while the mosquito escapes to go and
buy another straw. Why do i know all these? Me and the orgarnisms in my room are pals. Infact,
there was a time the rats in my room wanted to
start paying rents but i just told them not to
worry, afterall what are friends for? Oboy we don the go abeg before this
mosquitoes spoil this my fine skin,philip said
while running away.
Mr.fresher, i hailed him while seeing them off.
I went back and slept off. *****************************
I went to school the next day feeling light, like a
huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders.
The sale of forms for the mr.fresher had ended
the previous day. I went to school with the
intention of learning. Different candidates of the mr.fresher pageantry
had been coming to introduce themselves to the
class in other to win the support of the crowd. Even chris, english language nemesis was a
contestant. I swear, nothing wey we no go see
for this life.
Class, please i want you to listen as one of our
very own addresses us, a guy i assumed to be
chris manager had said. Good day crass, my name is chlis Amongo. I
want you peoples to know that i want
mr.flesher to be me. If me get mr.flesher, i go
make sure say evli body go come celeblate, we
go kill nyiam gyio. NB: nyiam gyio means pig meat in tiv language. Oboy if you win make sure say everybody
attend GST113, a voice shouted from the back. GST113 is communication in english. A gst
course. Vivian, also came and introduced philip. The way she spoke so passionately about philip,
i knew it was more than just the work of a
manager.
I was wondering how i would have been
standing there right now considering the fact
that i was shy. That not withstanding, i still felt a part of me that
wanted to be contesting. I had this conviction
that i was going to win. How would you feel if you were to be
contesting? A girl sitting close to me ask.
Well, it would have been great, i replied.
Someone actually saw you and thought you are
qualified, she bought a form for you.
Waoh!!! I felt butterflies in my stomach. Where is she? I asked
Follow me.
I followed her outside to see who had brought
my hope back. Hello kelvin, my sponsor had said. Damn!!!!! It was Amaka. Amaka was standing outside with a white paper
which i pressumed to be the mr.fresher form.
Amaka was wearing a very short skirt, she was
putting on a red lipstick, brown powder, some
varieties of colours on her eyelashes and yellow
nails. I wanted to run but my legs failed me.
I wanted to run, not because of anything but
because Amaka looked just like my village
masquerade.
The thing about the masquerade is that it always
has a long whip at the back. I had to run because i didn’t want anybody to remind me
of mr. Stephen. Mr.Stephen was my secondary school teacher,
his cane could make you forget your name.
There was a day he flogged the whole school
and everybody stood for the rest of the day,
nobody could sit. Why are you doing this? I broke the silence.
Amaka turned and spoke to her ‘messanger’
“you can now go” I wonder why a grown up university student
will be doing the work of a messanger.
Kelvin, i just bought you the mr.fresher’s form.
Don’t ask how i did it, i have my connections. I
also know some of the judges, i could just make
a call and you are our next mr.fresher. And what do i have to give you in return? I
asked.
Nothing, i just felt like helping you. The Amaka i know wouldn’t help you without
receiving anything in return.
Yes, i just met her and yes, she paid for my meal
but i knew that she was going to ask for
something in return. I don’t think i need your help, thank you. I
made to leave when she spoke. If i were you, i’d reconsider.
How do you think Cynthia would feel when she
finds out we have been exchanging calls and
text behind her back?
And i remember correctly, you were the one
who called me first. Cynthia would be intrested in knowing how you got my number.
Remember again, that i sent you a text with my
home address, Cynthia would like to know what
you were looking for in my house. She had
caught you cheating once, but am sure she will
break up with you when she finds out you cheated on her for the second time. Just accept
this form, and you will never see my face again. Was this the game she was talking about? This
girl had played her cards well, she had put me in
a tight corner, she had pushed me to the wall, i
was going to fight back. And what makes you think i don’t have any
evidence to incriminate you? Remember you
had text me to tell me i was going to regret my
actions? You had also text me to tell me that the
game has just begun.
“My dear friend, i also have evidence” i concluded. Truth is, i had deleted the two messages but
Amaka didn’t know about it, i’m going to
play on that loophole. Well, there is always a way out of every
problem, Amaka spoke.
I said you were going to regret it because you
came to my room and ra:ped me, i wasn’t
ready to forgive you so i sent you a text that
“the game has just begun”. My dear friend, my evidence outweighed yours. Sh¡t!!!! This girl has just tried my patience, she is
going to regret it.
Amaka or whatever you call yourself, am not
going to let you blackmail me.
I dont need your help and i will never need your
help. I left her standing there i went back to the class,
picked up my bag and started going home.
I needed to clear my head, i needed an advice.
Musa wasn’t at home when i went home so i
had to visit moses. After explaining everything, he said it was just a
minor case.
He gave me a wrapped paper. Oboy wetin be
this na? I asked.
Na igbo o, just take am you go know wetin to do
with Amaka. I had vowed never to have anything to do with
marijuana but in this case, anything that would
give me a quick solution was what i wanted.
We went to the back of the hostel to smoke our
igbo. After the first drag, i discovered it wasn’t
as hard as people had potrayed it to be so a dragged it with all my strenght, That was my
greatest undoing. The whole world stood still
and i felt something moving in my head as if an
insect had found its way into my head. I was
feeling hot, i had to remove my shirt and my
trouser. I was left with my singlet and my boxers.
As if an idea just entered my head, i stood up
and started going.
Oboy where you the go na? Moses asked.
No worry, i don get the solution, i dey go collect
the form from Amaka. WATCH OUT FOR PART 2